‘Our deepest fear is
not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most
frightens us’, (Marianne Williamson).
Like many people of my age, I heard this quote in the film Coach Carter. It was alien to me. It
left me perplexed. I’d spent untold hours stuck in a timid, negative and
self-suppressing mindset. A prisoner to my mental demons, wanting a way out of
my own head. All I wanted was inner peace and clarity. All I wanted was more confidence,
more self-esteem, more self-belief, to be ‘powerful
beyond measure’. So how could that be my ‘deepest fear’? If all I ever wanted was greatness, why would I be
afraid of it? Why would I settle for mediocracy? To me, this was akin to a
homeless person, without a penny to his name, not knowing where his next meal
would come from, saying on one hand that he desperately needs money to survive,
but on the other hand saying that he’d be scared to win the lottery (FYI my
analogies are weird and random, and may not make any sense whatsoever unless
you are weird and random too! J)!
Wanting
greatness and fearing it, seemed antithetical. Until I became aware of the
concept of the ego. The ego can be defined as a person’s ‘false sense of self’.
Or more easily put, it pertains to the labels that you attach to yourself such
as your occupation, or race, social status or tax bracket. A person may deem
themselves superior, inferior or equal to another person, based purely on the
labels that they attach to themselves, in comparison to others. The ego creates
‘your story’. For example, stories that you are ‘not good enough’ to achieve your goals, that you ‘don’t deserve to be happy’ or that worrying
excessively about things ‘shows that you
care’ or that you are inferior to other people (conversely, egos can also tell
a story that one is ‘better’ than
somebody else). Obviously, some people have more obstacles than others when it
comes to excelling in life, you would be very deluded or very ignorant to
suggest otherwise, but the point I’m making is that the ego can act as the inner
shackle that holds you back.
It is
never satisfied. It needs something to complain about. It needs enemies. It needs
people and or situations to judge and criticize, it always wants more, it can’t
just Be. It feeds off drama and
suffering. The ego doesn’t represent the true person that I am, it doesn’t represent my true Being. Many a time I have felt conflicted within. Hence the expression ‘I (the inner me/real me), cannot live with my-self
(the ego)’. Thus, something within my mind, subconsciously enjoys the mental
pain that I have endured when I’ve had a bad day at work, when someone has said
something unkind to me or when I have failed at a task I was trying to
complete. These situations result in more criticism and judgement of others,
more negative self-talk and more declarations of ‘I’m not good enough’, thus adding more fuel to drama-filled fire,
thus strengthening my ego’s mental stronghold.
Although
I feel that I will never be absent of emotion, accepting all moments for what
they are, instead of judging them, or labelling them, and refraining from
holding onto the past at the detriment of the Now or the future, I hope will
give me more balance. I’ve come to realize that it is in insane to remain in a
negative mindset. Worrying is pointless. If you can solve something, then you shouldn’t
worry about it, and if you can’t solve something, then you shouldn’t worry
about it (believe me I know it isn’t quite that simple, but using an extreme
example hopefully highlights in the main, what is the nonsensical nature of
worrying). Trash talking oneself, telling yourself that you’re not good enough
limits one’s potential. I’ve also realized that ‘I’m’ not doing those things, it has been my ego. Thus, instead of
attaching myself to ego’s ramblings on, I have instead (as per Eckhart Tolle’s
suggestion in his book A New Earth)
simply observed the thoughts of the ego, and stopped from identifying with
them. I’ve stopped believing that those negative thoughts are a representation
of who I am. This technique, albeit quite new (very new in fact) to me, has
been surprisingly effective in reducing my pain towards situations that I had perceived
as negative.
Thinking,
does not represent our complete nature. It is simply a component of our human
experience. As Fritz Pearls said ‘lose your mind and come to
your senses’. Thus, we may have to lose our mind (or our ego), to realise our
greatness.
Thus, to conclude, it seems our true power, our light, our ability to
reach greatness, is our ego’s ‘deepest
fear’.
Comment and share if any of this resonates with you.
Thanks for reading.
Much love,
Ashley Samba.
